goodbye, friend

At first the words confused me. I had glanced at my phone as we were waiting to pay and leave the restaurant, and wondered why my friend Dave was posting about himself in the third person until the meaning of the words sank in: “great sadness,” “passing of my brother…” “Oh, no” I blurted out. … Continue reading goodbye, friend →

I will always miss L.A.

After college, I spent most of the ‘90s in California, eight years in Southern California, five of them in Los Angeles. I’ve only been back a handful of times in the past 25 years since my husband and I left to come back east for jobs in 2000. The photographs and videos of the wild … Continue reading I will always miss L.A. →

The language of birds and comparative death studies

What does the natural world care about elections and other human activities that feel so consequential to us? Two recent New Yorker articles about animals captivated me; they hit on similar themes that, each in their own way, remind us that we are not as special as we like to think. In “Pecking Order: Language … Continue reading The language of birds and comparative death studies →

Mind and body

When my father fell ill, around 2002, I moved in temporarily with my parents on Long Island while my husband moved to Indiana for a visiting assistant professorship for the year. My father was in both physical and cognitive decline and I found his two doctors woefully inadequate. I had a long list of tasks … Continue reading Mind and body →

#18 – october 21: lingering covid

I’m wrapping up my covid chronicles with this18th and final installment. Maybe I’ll revisit the topic later, when these pandemic times truly feel behind us. But right now, almost three years in, covid is still here and people are still dying everyday. Most of the world, however, is getting on with it, the booster shots … Continue reading #18 – october 21: lingering covid →

#17 – february 8: the tyranny of normal

2019. I look back at photos from that time with a bit of wonder. My 50th birthday celebration at a Chicago restaurant with friends who’d traveled from other cities. Our spring break trip to Korea with my mother. The kids’ birthday parties at one venue or another. Our then-6th grader’s first middle school dance. One … Continue reading #17 – february 8: the tyranny of normal →

A communal miscarriage

After many discouraging years on the academic job market, waiting for our lives to settle into stability, my husband and I agreed we couldn’t wait too much longer and we started trying for a baby. We were living in New Jersey at the time, close to my family and many of our friends. That year, … Continue reading A communal miscarriage →

#14 – may 20: bartleby the seventh grader

“Can you keep your camera on during class?” I would prefer not to. “How about catching up on your homework assignments today?” I would prefer not to. “It’s a beautiful day; you should get outside.” I would prefer not to. “Do you want to meet up with a friend today?” I would prefer not to. … Continue reading #14 – may 20: bartleby the seventh grader →

#13 — february 14: J. Hillis Miller, a remembrance

I found out from a Facebook post that famed literary critic J. Hillis Miller had died of Covid on Feb. 7 at age 92. Professor Miller was my dissertation advisor at UC Irvine, where I was in graduate school for most of the ‘90’s. By the time I’d enrolled in his seminar, he’d been a … Continue reading #13 — february 14: J. Hillis Miller, a remembrance →

#4 – march 29: all the feelings

In the early days of the pandemic, when we all started cancelling plans, a therapist friend posted about having learned the importance of honoring all the feelings one is feeling about a thing, rather than judging them, or comparing them to others or to some abstract standard of how we should be reacting. Oh, so … Continue reading #4 – march 29: all the feelings →